


Secrets

by Callanee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Also all the Kids have been having dreams about sburb, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dave is in love with John, I have no idea whether or not I'm gonna make a second chapter yet, John doesn't realize he's in love with Dave, M/M, Pining, Plus The Formating Makes me Sad Lmao, Self-Discovery, This is lowkey self indulgent, We love crushing on people who live like. 8 hours away lmao, bc I originally did this in like just Color but idk if I can/how to do that here so RIP, which is yknow. fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callanee/pseuds/Callanee
Summary: John and Dave have created a habit of calling late into the night. They both have vague memories of Sburb that surfaced to them in Dreams. Dave has a lot of things to deal with.~~~Your name is Dave Strider.You are tired. You aren’t sure when the last time you actually slept was but you have a feeling it is closing in on the 72 hour mark. You’re not sure you really would like to sleep anytime soon in all honesty. A couple of nights ago you had this dream, it felt years long. You met so many people. You watched so many people you care about die. You fell in love. You saw yourself die. You tried and failed to become a hero.Right now, you lay on your bed. Your phone is lying next to your head as you call your best friend. He died in your dream too. You wonder if you should tell him about it.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider, John/Dave
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so uh, First Fic Alert ig. I did not have anyone properly Beta this so I apologize for any grammer/spelling errors I didn't catch. Hope you enjoy lmao.

Your name is Dave Strider. 

You are tired. You aren’t sure when the last time you actually slept was but you have a feeling it is closing in on the 72 hour mark. You’re not sure you really would like to sleep anytime soon in all honesty. A couple of nights ago you had this dream, it felt years long. You met so many people. You watched so many people you care about die. You fell in love. You saw yourself die. You tried and failed to become a hero. 

Right now, you lay on your bed. Your phone is lying next to your head as you call your best friend. He died in your dream too. You wonder if you should tell him about it. 

DAVE: do you ever feel like if all the shit that is wrong with you was taken away you would be a bad person?

This level of honesty would never be possible under the layers of your typical irony, but you do not have the energy for irony right now. You are not sure what it was ever useful for anyways. 

JOHN: jeez dave i don't know. i don't think about that kind of thing.

DAVE: sorry ive just been thinking about it a lot recently like  
DAVE: idk maybe if i hadnt been raised by my bro  
DAVE: id be some insufferable dickwad who throws a bitch fit everytime i get rejected by some hot chick thats way outta my league or something 

JOHN: i thought no girl could resist your strider charms, dave. 

You hear John laugh, it is breathy and tired, it stirs something inside of you. 

DAVE: haha yea you know it egbert

DAVE: what time is it over there?

JOHN: uh, almost 2 i think. Shit i’m gonna have to be up soon 

DAVE: do you need to sleep bro  
DAVE: im not tryna keep my best bro up and lose him his sorely needed beauty sleep

JOHN: hardy-har, dave  
JOHN: i’m fine i can stay up 

DAVE: cool

There is a beat of silence, one that normally would not be awkward. However, you are intently aware of something unspoken that must be spoken. Of something you should tell him. Something you worry will ruin everything. 

DAVE: john?

JOHN: yea, dave?

DAVE: uh what would you say if i said that  
DAVE: um if i said i was gay

For a moment, he says nothing. You think you have fucked up. This is your best friend in the world. The one guy you trust the most in your life now hates you. This is the end, might as well pack your bags and move to a decrepit building in the middle of the Atlantic and begin your life as the coolest hermit to ever exist. 

JOHN: i know.

DAVE: you know?

JOHN: yeah, i know. 

DAVE: what do you mean you know?

JOHN: i had a dream a couple of days ago.  
JOHN: you had a boyfriend. or at least i think you did? to be honest, you weren’t very clear about the situation and it had been a while since i had seen you in the dream when i found out.

DAVE: oh.

JOHN: yea.

DAVE: i think i had the same dream  
DAVE: it was pretty intense like not quite as intense as some of those movies you had me watch  
DAVE: (which really werent that intense at all but for the sake of this metaphor let say they were like)  
DAVE: (the pinnacle of intenseness)  
DAVE: like whatever the fuck you feel when you watch that shitty nic cage movie with the bunny and your dorky little brain is overwhelmed with the pure love and homoerotism you feel when you look at nic cages weird shirtless body  
DAVE: (is nic cage ever shirtless in that movie? who knows)  
DAVE: the kind of intense that leaves your entire body shivering in the desperate need for a rest— 

JOHN: we both died. so did rose and jade. 

DAVE: yea i died a lot 

You laugh, but even to your own ears, it feels hallow and more like a confession. You feel like you are giving away everything with that laugh. 

JOHN: did it scare you?

DAVE: what  
DAVE: dying?  
DAVE: nah man striders dont get scared  
DAVE: death could look me dead in the eyes and id just do some sweet ninja moves and chop him in the neck you know  
DAVE: get him all riled up and confused  
DAVE: my hands and blades a god damn cloud of movement death dont even know whats hitting him

JOHN: ok dave! I get it! 

You’re glad that John asked to call you a couple of months ago. It’s nice to hear his voice. It’s even nicer to hear him laugh at your jokes and ramblings. His laugh is always breathy and light, even when he’s not tired. It makes you feel warm. You think maybe this is a dangerous feeling. 

DAVE: but uh yea  
DAVE: dying is not my favorite thing to do  
DAVE: there are at least 3 things i like better than dying

You hear John snort over the phone.

JOHN: what are those 3 things that you like better than dying

DAVE: well i said at *least* 3 things egderp  
DAVE: and id say beating the shit outta my bro, obama, and the first sip of an apple juice are all better than dying

John sputters and can barely talk without laughing.

JOHN: obama? are you objectifying obama, dave? is obama an object to you?

DAVE: man you know i got the utmost respect for my boy obama  
DAVE: obama is my homie bro and you know that  
DAVE: dont be out here slandering my name with these lies  
DAVE: a strider never objectifies anyone  
DAVE: specially not someone as epic as obama bro

JOHN: dave,  
JOHN: are you gay for Obama?

DAVE: john just because i am gay now doesnt mean i am gay for every guy up on the earth  
DAVE: im not getting down on one knee to propose to every lame ass motherfucker i meet on the street  
DAVE: looking em in the eye and asking if we can adopt a kid together  
DAVE: planning to buy a nice house in the suburbs with a white picket fence  
DAVE: 2 kids  
DAVE: 1 boy 1 girl well name em jeff and sally  
DAVE: have a nice white bread life before jerry cheats on me with that asshole from the pta brad

JOHN: jerry?

DAVE: don't interrupt john its rude  
DAVE: we’ll go through a rough divorce  
DAVE: we promise precious little sweet sally this isnt your fault  
DAVE: your father is just porking your friends daddy and doesnt love your old papa anymore  
DAVE: the divorce will take 2 years and jerry will move in with brad  
DAVE: ill be civil if only for the kids sake but i think about pushing brad down the stairs at every talent show and football game for the rest of the kids school  
DAVE: but 3 years after the divorce im in DC for a convention for SJaHB  
DAVE: im sitting alone at the bar  
DAVE: im on my like 8th shot of some expensive gross alcohol that only depressed divorcees that only get to see their kids on every other holiday get  
DAVE: and there he is  
DAVE: obama is sitting next to me at the bar  
DAVE: he looks at me and signals for the bartender to get me another shot  
DAVE: we spend hours talking about life and sweet sweet comics written by me  
DAVE: finally he gives me the *eyes* and i know  
DAVE: we get a taxi to my hotel room  
DAVE: and make sweet love all night

JOHN: so you’re gay for Obama?

DAVE: yea im a little gay for Obama

JOHN: you’re such a dork, dave. 

DAVE: says you egderp  
DAVE: you’re in love with nic cage  
DAVE: thats like the dorkiest thing out there

JOHN: i am not in love with nic cage  
JOHN: if i was in love with any actor it would be matthew mcconaughey  
DAVE: sounds a little homo john

JOHN: you wish, dave! i am not a homosexual.

For some reason, your chest tightens. You know there are feelings you are ignoring here. You know there are things you want to talk about with John but you feel like now is not the time to do it. It is 2 AM in Washington which means it is 4 AM in your tiny Houston apartment and it has been days since you slept and you need more protection than your sleep-deprived brain will afford you right now so, you leave them unsaid. 

DAVE: nah man  
DAVE: if i wanted to get with your dorky ass you’d be all up over me so quick you wouldnt even *know*  
DAVE: youre barely keeping yourself off of me as it is straight boy

John laughs again. He sounds so tired. You know this conversation is coming to an end. You wish he didn’t live so far away. 

JOHN: yeah yeah. whatever you say, bro.  
JOHN: or should i say mrs. obama lol

You laugh and you can almost hear him smile through the phone. 

JOHN: anyways, i think, im gonna go to bed.  
JOHN: night.

DAVE: night bro  
DAVE: sleep well

JOHN: i’ll try.  
JOHN: get some rest too.

DAVE: yea  
DAVE: i will

John hangs up the phone and you sit up. You glance around your room and look at all of the gear, and the fucked up creepy puppets. You think about your fridge, of how it is filled with shitty plastic swords from China. You think about the quickly dwindling supply of twinkies and ramen and apple juice that sit in your closet. You think about the cuts and bruises all over your body in various stages of healing. Your chest gets tight, it hurts to breathe and you try not to think about it too hard. You look at your phone and the clock says 4:13 AM. You close your eyes and pray to the gods that you don’t dream.


End file.
